by Anon
If you are raped or sexually assaulted and the state decides not to prosecute your attacker, you have a three-month window to appeal that decision. Here, a survivor of sexual violence explains what it feels like when the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) neglects to charge your case and what you can do if you miss your deadline.
When you have been raped or sexually assaulted, the thing that stays with you the longest is the fear.
A shard of fear lodges in your heart like shrapnel when you realise what is about to happen to you (or when you understand what has happened to you without you knowing).
It is a visceral fear, an I-might-die (or might have been killed) fear and somehow, regardless of how much you move on, a sliver of it stays. Or, it has for me.
Perhaps it is associated with the shock – when someone is unexpectedly violent towards you, it isn’t the physical pain you feel first, it is a cold shower of shock.
Perhaps it is associated with confusion – you didn’t realise you were unsafe, so you can’t know how to ensure you are ever fully safe again.
Perhaps it is associated with justice – to feel that justice has been done is to feel protected.
My story
For me that shrapnel found its place in my heart when one of my three attackers grabbed me by the neck and, because the CPS later dropped the charges against him, I have never felt the protection afforded by justice. Perhaps, if I did, the fear would dislodge.
There are feelings other than fear that come with sexual violence too, of course. Many are as unwelcome, such as humiliation and lack of self-worth, but others help you function and heal, such as anger with, or pity for, your attacker (they are always massively fucked up), the slow realisation that you can still live a happy life, the response of the police when you first report it and they believe you.
The reporting thing, if you feel you can talk about what happened, can be incredibly helpful, because it is validating. Don’t get me wrong, the experience of breaking the attack down in detail is an horrendous ordeal, but once you have done that, multiple people come into your life to confirm that what happened to you was definitely, objectively, fully not-the-fuck ok. It gives you a sense of hope, a sense of self and a modicum of empowerment. Feeling a small amount of power is, I have discovered, incredibly important when you have been made by your attacker(s) to feel so utterly powerless.
So it’s like a kick to the solar plexus when you realise, as most survivors of sexual violence now have to, that after all that, your attacker will not be brought to justice after all. You have done all the ‘right’ things, you have found your voice, you have endured the questions, in some cases you have submitted to invasive rounds of swabs and tests of a bruised body that feels like it never wants to be touched again. You have done all that in pursuit of justice and then you are told that the state does not think you will win – the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) will not risk spending money on backing you in court – you will not be given the chance to seek justice.
In my case, one of my attackers was charged at first (I failed to pick out the other two in a line up) but the charges were later dropped by the CPS when I ‘revealed’ to the police that it wasn’t the first, nor the last, sexually violent encounter I had endured. In fact, I didn’t ‘reveal’ anything, I hadn’t kept the other stuff a secret, I just didn’t realise it was relevant. Let’s be categorical about this: It. Should. Not. Be.
Anyway, the charges were dropped and my attacker was allowed to walk free ‘without a stain on his character’ despite the shrapnel lodged in my heart and the spectre of the grip of his hand on my throat. It was put there to silence me and, thanks to the CPS, it has.
Holding the state to account
The Centre for Women’s Justice (CWJ) is a charity that since 2016 has been ‘holding the state to account for violence against women and girls’. It exists to help people like me – in fact, it can’t help me, because what happened took place so long ago - but it is a brilliant and much needed organisation and I am very glad it is now there to help others.
The latest of the CWJ’s many successes has been to argue on behalf of the End Violence against Women Coalition for a Judicial Review of the CPS’s Rape Policy. Because it turns out that charging fewer serious sexual offence cases has been their official internal line – deliberate – a directive, for the past four years. I’ll let that sink in.
THAT is why, in the UK today, survivors of sexual violence have a less than 3% chance of their attacker being prosecuted.
THAT is why rapists are less likely to be charged than bicycle thieves.
Letting survivors of sexual violence down again and again in the most heinous and damaging way has been a matter of policy. Because rather than base cases on ‘facts’ or ‘merit’, someone decided it was cheaper just to makes them go away.
WTAF?
Luckily, the CWJ and the End Violence Against Women Coalition can prove this.
Their evidence is in part informed by the word of a very brave whistleblower at the CPS. Please read her full statement, it is jaw-dropping. She is a hero. Here is why she spoke out ...
But, even IF this secret (massively underhand and misogynist) policy change is proven in court, there will still be no direct recourse to justice for the assault survivors who have been kicked in the guts by the state, because there will be no automatic review of the cases that were dropped.
The charges against my attacker were dropped nearly twenty years ago. Because the CPS initially proceeded with the case and then offered no evidence in court, my attacker was allowed to walk free, knowing that charges would never be brought against him again: it is now very unlikely that I would be able to get him re-prosecuted on the exact same charges. What is worse, I am now too late even to seek a review of the decision or even to make a formal complaint to the CPS. I have only now learned that this was ever an option.
Survivors: “If we want to, we will always find a way to fight back”
For all those survivors of sexual violence unclear of what your options are, I would really recommend seeking some advice from an ISVA or other specialist support worker as soon as you can. Although in many cases the options are sadly limited, you may – depending on the facts of your case and the circumstances in which it was dropped – be able to:
Apply to the CPS under the Victims’ Right to Review Scheme for a review of the decision that was made to drop your case – but there are very strict time limits that apply
If the CPS have made an arguable error of law: consider with a lawyer whether the decision can be challenged in court. It is rare that this will be an option, but is possible in some exceptional cases
In some circumstances, get the case re-opened
Complain formally to the CPS, and get an apology, along with confirmation that it should never have been dropped
I don’t know about you, but I am so very up for complaining.
As is clear from the way the appalling CPS policy has sought to treat us, survivors of sexual violence are far too often underestimated and written off.
In part, that is because the shame we shouldn’t feel isolates and silences us.
In part that is because we know what it is to feel very afraid.
But we have lived through the most serious crime it is possible to survive. And we did survive. And we have hope. And eventually, one day, when we are strong enough, and if we want to, we will always find a way to fight back.
What you can do to support survivors
It’s sadly too late for me to get justice, but if you can support a survivor please consider supporting Mary, a 28 year old woman who is seeking a review of the CPS decision to close her case through the Victim’s Right to Review scheme. The support of a lawyer is crucial for Mary to be able to achieve this and get justice.
“As a recent graduate and NHS worker, I don’t have the necessary funds to cover my legal fees meaning my case would remain closed without the man who raped me even being interviewed. Any contribution however big or small would be hugely appreciated. Please share this page with your friends and family on social media.”
You can read more and donate to Mary here; the page will close Nov. 22, 2020, noon.